shower curtain blues / by Laura Kochman

I haven't been on the internet in 2 days because I MOVED on Friday! I MOVED! This is a Big Deal. This is the first apartment I've lived in by myself. If I were a good blogger I would have taken pictures to post up here, but, uh, I forgot. The place isn't put together yet anyway. You wouldn't like it yet. The day before the move, my sister and I went to Target to pick up a couple of apartment items. I maybe had a little freakout in the shower curtain aisle. I was overwhelmed, for sure, but I just kept thinking, I'm going to have to look at this thing every day. I complained that there were fewer choices than the last time I bought a shower curtain (there really were!). I don't like any of these! These are all ugly! And too expensive! It wasn't really the cost that was bugging me out, though, since sister had declared she was going to buy me a shower curtain. They don't have the one I got last time! I think we spent about 25 minutes in that aisle, me pacing up and down it, shaking my head, getting more and more anxious. In the end I grabbed one off the rack and threw it in the cart, declaring I just don't CARE.

In the 2 days since, I realized: when I first moved into the little brick duplex 2 YEARS ago, before my housemate showed up, I went shopping at that same Target with my mother. At the time, I felt very strange about having my mother move me into an apartment, since wasn't I supposed to be an adult? And who takes their mommy to grad school? But she was going through a rough period of time at work, and had time off, and drove down with me all the way to Tuscaloosa. In the end, she was the voice of reason of the whole trip. When I opened the door to the little brick duplex and couldn't breathe because it had just been bug bombed and I'm pretty sure I started crying because the place was filthy and there were dead cockroaches everywhere, my mother made me sit out in the car while she removed the roaches. And together we cleaned the whole apartment, and when I wasn't paying attention, she went into the bathroom and put up the leafy green shower curtain that I had picked out. I can remember very clearly seeing the sunlight come through the window behind it, feeling grateful and taken care of, and thinking, Okay. This will be okay.

So 2 days ago, I moved away from the apartment that my mother moved me into. And it turns out that was a big deal. But again, when I was busy in another room, my sister put up the blue and white shower curtain in the new place. Somehow, I picked out a nice one, and it will be okay.